Fear and Loathing in Dunedin: The Real Reasons We Lost

In the World Cup wash-up I figured it would be pointless adding my two cents worth. Much better to wait for the dust to settle and some up with some reasoned analysis for the dismal All Black performance.

So, I have listened to all the theories thrown about and I would like to start by discounting a couple:

1. The Ref: Yes he was poor, but he wasn't the reason
2. The Coaching Staff: Yes, they didn't coach drop goals or have a plan B but we should have won the game by then anyway.
3. Rotation and Reconditioning: Quite obviously not all the popular with fans, but that fact remains, we had ample depth and plenty of braun, just no brains.

No, the real reasons are as follows:

1. Carl Hayman's Beard

Would you fuck with this man?

The big man is just like Samson, the All Blacks don't lose when he is looking grizzly. What was with the clean shaven look?
I'm not alone in this summation, in fact check out with very good site dedicated to the cult of Haymen's facial hair.

2. Dave Dobbyn

Now, hands up which idiot decided to play "Slice of Heaven" every time the All Blacks ran in a try. Not only is it painful to listen to once, but after the amount of times the ABs heard it trouncing Portugal, Italy and Romania its no wonder they were a little try shy against France.

3. Adidas

Yes, the modern All Blacks are little more than marketing muscles packaged in black Lycra. Not only do they look a little silly in some of the supposed super-dooper jerseys, but the whole campaign backing them was cringe-worthy. What the hell were they thinking digging up sections of dirt from all over New Zealand and taking it to France with them. If you are unsure what I am referring to please read this.

And, it gets worse. Before each game, Richie McCaw would take a handful of specially mixed New Zealand dirt and sprinkle it on the ground where they were playing. What the f..k?

If there is any evidence that Mr McCaw should not be captain it is right there.